i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
