He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
