I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
