Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
