so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
