she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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