Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
