I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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