Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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