apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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