I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
