were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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