If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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