i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
