At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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