she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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