and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
