Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
