We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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