And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
