woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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