i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
