just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
