I must be too annoying 4 u.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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