You work out of a Hotel?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
