I can text with my tongue
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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