There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
