Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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