Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
