Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm having to shit out rocks
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