dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
