So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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