im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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