You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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