fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
we're making bets on your personal life
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
