Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
