I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
