Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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