I will die if light touches me.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
