So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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