I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
