i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
