she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
