u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
