Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
