I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
