Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
