hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
3pm strippers are depressing
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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