At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Your penis caused this!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
