And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
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