to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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