This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
